Singapore Hospice Council

1800-333-6666

(Hospice Helpline)

[ The Caregiver’s Journey: grief management & healing ]

The journey of a caregiver is a complicated one. It is a demanding role, one that requires you to be fully responsible for someone’s wellbeing. Caring for a person is an act that many of us would have performed at some point in our lives. Caring for a person at the end of his life can be more difficult and demanding than caring for someone in the prime of his life.

The words and actions of comfort cannot be easily offered, because comfort cannot be sought out in the promise of recovery. Comforting a dying person can take its toll on the caregiver, and it can be difficult to offer comfort when you find yourself in need of comfort. The physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and financial demands of a dying family member can take its toll on you, and make the process of caregiving a stressful one.

However, caregiving need not be stressful. Being a caregiver is not about shouldering all the responsibilities and difficulties alone. Asking for and receiving help is not wrong. It is important to maintain your own wellbeing for you to be able to offer the maximum care and support to the patient. Your family, friends, religious leaders, and the hospice caregiving team are present to help you.

Hospices hold regular workshops to teach caregivers about the basics of physical caregiving, with practical hands-on training in moving, feeding, bathing and clothing patients. The knowledge you gain from these trainings will make you confident in your ability to provide the right care for your loved one.

When there is an emergency, and you find yourself not knowing how to help the patient, the hospice home care service is only a phone call away. The hospice caregiving team is ready to provide the necessary respite care to the patient. As a caregiver, you do not have to feel useless or upset when the pain goes beyond control. Feel safe in the knowledge that help is at hand.

However, when the patient goes to a stage beyond our help, and is in the last few moments of his life, keeping a bedside vigil can be a huge emotional drain on the caregiver (and loved ones). Watching your loved one passing on will evoke many feelings, and it will be hard to deal with the trauma. Dealing with the loss will have to come slowly as the heart heals, but guilt will eat away at you if you choose to let it do so. Remind yourself that you could not control the arrival of death, but you did your best to make the last leg in the journey of the patient's life a less painful, more pleasant and a fulfilling one.

A caregiver is a lifegiver, because life before death is not about being alive; it is about living a quality life.